Tag: Product Description

FINALLY. Been waiting for this brand to show up on my feed. Gaming Library. I’ve got a small board game collection going (some, I bought from them), so I was pretty excited. This brand sells board games, and they offer hourly and whole-day passes for their play area.

Honestly, I can’t believe their ad only popped up first on Day 10. Maybe it’s been a while since I last checked their site.

And speaking of their site… Uhm. It felt a little off.

Context: This brand means something to me. Aeriel and I used to hang out in their stores for hours. I think she even got her first board game there. So when I think of them, I think: fun. Curious. Light.

But their website now? Reads like a Principal talking. You know, always serious but tryna be fun. He’s factual, uses long sentences to prove a point. Not that it’s wrong—just not the vibe I remember.

And hey, they clearly know what they’re doing. They did just hosted the biggest board game expo in Southeast Asia.

Still… the tone doesn’t match the magic. FOR ME. So I’m gonna try to put a little bit of life in there.

Not changing any game descriptions (those usually come from the publishers anyway). I’ll rewrite their passes instead. That one’s theirs. Let’s see what a little personality can do.

Whole Day XPerience

If you have a day, we’ve got the games… and the space!

See, All aBOARD XP is the place to be competitive yet tasteful, fun yet insightful, chaotic yet bonded.

So get a pass for you, then get one for your family or friends whom you want to beat treat too.

Or just go alone! There are a lot of new friends to meet.

The Whole Day Pass gives you:

• Unlimited access to our curated library of board games (library varies per branch. Check here)
• A cozy, well-lit space to roll dice, shuffle cards, and think strategies
• Friendly Game Coaches to help with rules (because yes, we will read the manual)
• Table time from open to close!

When and where do you wanna play?

Original copy (at the time of revamp):

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1 Hour Xperience

Quick — what’s short, intense, and occasionally ruins friendships?

One hour of board games.

This XP pass is for the quick thinkers, the “just one hour” club, or the couple who chose to settle a debate with one round of Quarto.

Here’s what you get:

• Access to our full game library for one glorious hour
• A table that’s all yours for “just one hour”
• On-site coaches who can help you pick the game and explain the rules fast.

When and where do you wanna play?

Original copy (at the time of revamp):

Overall: This was surprisingly tough. I went in to put more personality, but of course, I wanna respect the voice the brand already has.

This is just more similar to the brand that I saw they have. Everyone in their stores is very friendly and easy to talk to. That became my inspiration.

Oh and I also tweak the name of the passes a little bit. I think this one is a little easier to read and digest. Gotta make eveything feel nicer for the customers.

Total time spent writing: 1 hour and 15 minutes. Took me longer than expected. I think it’s because of Tara Game Night.

It was a blog I made that talks all about board games. It has a completely different voice and tone. So maybe my brain got used to talking with a witty, fun voice when talking about board games.

Okay, now it sounds like I’m just making an excuse. I swear I didn’t waste time checking out new games. I only do that during weekends… Ow wait.

This is another familiar brand. Snug & Cozy.

They sell comfy socks and sleeves, cozy blankets, those kinds.  Honestly, if you sell me these, I’d laugh you off. My room could feel like hell meets the oven sometimes.

Aeriel and I almost bought their socks, though.

We thought of gifting it to her dearest lola before she goes back to the US. But we chickened out because we’re not sure about the size. So, yep, I think that’s one thing I’d consider when rewriting their product description.

Anyway, I revisited their website and I found this ‘spiritual friend’ type of voice. They have this gentle tone, a smooth and slow cadence like they wanna give you a hug whenever they hear you sigh. It matches their products.

Not really sure how to sell this, tho. Haven’t used my blankets in years. Might have to rely on my BNB and nice hotels experience on this one.

Snuggly Socks

Breathe.

It’s time.

You submitted that report. You performed well.

You’ve made mistakes, yet survived.

So now, take a seat, put your feet up on that sofa. Wear these snuggly socks.

Those feet brought you anywhere you wished. Now it’s time to give them a little break inside these ultra-soft, knit fabric socks.

No feet are too big or too small in this piece of heaven. One size fits all. So let them stay warm, release their tension.

Because tonight, they, too, deserve a hug.

Make your feet happy

Original copy (at the time of revamp):

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Snug & Cozy CloudKnit Blanket

Look at your couch…

Now look at the door…

Now look at your sweet, sweet couch again, placed in front of the TV. You saw a blanket on top, waiting to give you an embrace. Nothing feels better than that on this rainy, chilly night.

Go on, you can cancel your plans tonight.

Feel safe with this beautifully crafted blanket, your new favorite. It feels warm and personal thanks to the soft polyester blend of hand-knit yarn. Perfect for relaxation any day of the week.

And yes, they are as comfy and soft as you’d imagine.

Thank your body each night

Original copy (at the time of revamp):

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Bonus Round!

Shipping:

Let’s take a breath and walk you through how your package finds its way to you.

We pack each order with care and intention. Once you place yours, we take 1–3 business days to prepare it, making sure everything is just right before it begins its journey.

We ship using NinjaVan, and as soon as your parcel is ready to go, you’ll receive a separate email with your tracking number, so you can follow along, moment by moment.

Here’s when to expect it at your doorstep:

• NCR – 2 to 6 business days
• Luzon – 3 to 7 business days
• Visayas & Mindanao – 5 to 10 business days

Returns:

We understand — sometimes things happen.

If something arrives not quite right? Maybe it’s damaged, missing, or simply the wrong item… we’re here to make it right. You have 7 days to reach out.

Just send the item back to us, and we’ll gladly offer an exchange or a refund.

We want your experience to feel just as comforting as the product you ordered.

Click here to apply for return <3

Original copy (at the time of revamp):

Overall: Not bad. I kinda went with a different angle than what they’re going for. Not that far, tho. I just leaned in more towards “care” rather than purely comfort. I think that’s better, especially during hot days here in Manila (aka: every day of every week). 

I also thought it was a good angle for those who are considering these products as a gift for someone. Like us. I thought reading that copy would make them feel like they’re extending that kind of care and warmth to whomever they give the gift to

Total time spent writing: 58 mins. This is once again a pretty feminine voice. I spent time smoothing down my words and finding better terms that suit that spiritual friend vibe. I’m not really sure if I’m hitting that here. But with this much time and with minimal research, I think it’s alright.

Although I admit, I spent time doing that added bonus instead of refining the voice. I realize most technical details, like Shipping and Returns, aren’t given much thought. It’s like suddenly the voice and tone sounded like a robot. So I revamp their Shipping & Returns copy as well.

You have to be consistent with how you talk to people. You can’t be warm and suddenly talk like a programmable, mechanical entity designed to execute tasks autonomously or semi-autonomously.

Gotta be a human all the way. Want me to help?

Now this one makes me wanna wag my tail. Today we have Nala Fresh Dog Food! Get it? Tail Wag… Dog brand…?

ANYWAY.

I could see this one being a challenge because they already have a great product page. They presented almost everything a dog owner wants to see when picking dog food. It helped big time in building a connection with the customer. It’s like saying,

“We know what you’re looking for. Wegotchu.” (except with a tita’s voice. More on that later.)

So I think I’m gonna focus on highlighting what makes each product different in a way that appeals to a dog owner’s emotions. Something to amplify the trust.

Now, their voice. As soon as I saw their website, the ‘loving tita’ type was there, inviting me to a lovely brunch. They have a very soft, empathetic tone and with a medium to long cadence. Suits their furparent brand.

Alright, enough with the chitchat, let’s see how my dog-lover brain will help me here.

Cuddly Charlie

Once they turn on those sweet little puppy eyes, we can’t help but give them those extra treats. We’ve all been there! But sometimes, we genuinely can’t notice they’re getting a little bit chonky…

This is why Cuddly Charlie Recipe is precisely made with 60% chicken and 40% veggies! Chicken’s low-fat content helps manage that extra weight, reducing the risk of obesity.

We want our dogs to live their best lives. They can’t do that with too much chunk in their belly… no matter how cute it looks!

Choose how many packs you need, or keep scrolling to see if this is the best fresh dog food for your furbaby.

3 packs –  600 g of dog food

7 packs – 1.4 kg of dog food

14 packs – 2.8 kg of dog food

21 packs – 4.2 kg of dog food

28 packs – 5.6 kg of dog food 

Shipping is free!

(click here to see the original copy)

Original copy (at the time of revamp):

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Fancy Fiona

Dogs truly are man’s best friends. We want them to be part of everything we do… and they actually want it too! On our morning runs, late-night walks, or even weekend hikes, they’d join you with their tails wagging. 

This is why Fancy Fiona Recipe is precisely made with 60% beef and 40% veggies! Beef is a great source of iron, which helps keep their blood healthy, giving them that happy energy and a real pep in their step!

Here’s to more adventure time with your furry buddy.

Choose how many packs you need, or keep scrolling to see if this is the best fresh dog food for your furbaby.

3 packs –  600 g of dog food

7 packs – 1.4 kg of dog food

14 packs – 2.8 kg of dog food

21 packs – 4.2 kg of dog food

28 packs – 5.6 kg of dog food 

Shipping is free!

(click here to see the original copy)

Original copy (at the time of revamp):

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Picky Peppa

The thing about taking care of dogs is that all we can do is check for signs to know if they’re living their best lives. If only they could at least point to where it hurts, right? 

It’s on us to make sure they can be as healthy as possible.

This is why the Picky Peppa Recipe is precisely made with 60% pork and 40% veggies! A good quality pork in their bowl keeps their heart strong for a long, happy life and their joints healthy, so they can keep playing like a puppy.

This is one of the simplest ways we can make sure they’re not just living, but living well.

Choose how many packs you need, or keep scrolling to see if this is the best fresh dog food for your furbaby.

3 packs –  600 g of dog food

7 packs – 1.4 kg of dog food

14 packs – 2.8 kg of dog food

21 packs – 4.2 kg of dog food

28 packs – 5.6 kg of dog food 

Shipping is free!

(click here to see the original copy)

Original copy (at the time of revamp):

Overall. I like how this turned out. As I mentioned, their product page is already good. On the top page, they placed some kind of summary of the very detailed info they have on the bottom. So I thought that was kinda out of place. What I did instead was to replace that TLDR-ish message on top and use the space to expand on the product description.

Total time spent on writing: 52 mins. As expected, it didn’t take me that long to figure out story angles on this one. My experience with taking care of dogs did me a solid.

Once I saw what made the products different from each other, I knew where I was going. That’s actually a huge factor when marketing your brand.

Your competitors could be very similar to you. So you gotta find that angle, that story, that will make you the apple of your market’s eyes. Good thing I’ve been mastering how to do that.

So we’re about to complete a week after this one? Nice! I’ve got the perfect product to cap it off— Jade’s Temple Brewery. It’s a local brewery that sells craft beers with flavors so interesting the Gen Z’s would probably drink them.

I said that because I’m a Gen Z and this is something I’d buy.

Anyway, Jade’s Temple has an interesting voice going on. They use this “new kid in the block” voice where they’re like,

“We’re learning the ropes, watch us take off.”

They have this humble and aspirational tone paired with an easy-to-grasp vocabulary. Which is very fitting to their message.

The only thing that I’d change tho, is their cadence. I think I’m seeing long sentences from them (which aren’t bad!) I just believe that with their voice and tone, a short to medium cadence would be a better fit.

So let’s see if I can make that work before I get their beer.

Toasted Mallows

The perfect beer in your hands during conversations, or comfortable silence.

You don’t need a fire pit in front to spend the night telling stories. This lager started with a “what if…” and ended up like a cozy night in a bottle. With these toasted marshmallows blended with the crispness of a classic brew? We want to hit that familiar sweetness to bring you a little warmth. We think we nailed it, our best seller.

• THE MODERN TOUCH: We added real toasted marshmallows during the brewing process. This heightens both aroma and taste, making your senses lean in.

• HOW IT POURS: Clear. Brilliant. Honey amber in color that reminds you of the golden hour.

• FOOD PAIRING: Perfect with salted chips and fruits.

• ABV: 5% … balanced and drinkable. Smooth enough to bring you back for another round.

• INGREDIENTS: Water, Malt, Hops, Yeast, REAL Burnt Marshmallows

If you want the beer to keep the stories going? Or you want a nice solo sip that brings in a new but familiar taste? This one’s for you.

All natural. Proudly crafted in the heart of Manila.

Beer me!

(click here to see the original copy)

Original copy (at the time of revamp):

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Salted Caramel

This is solace in a bottle, but with a little bite.

After a long week of being the responsible one, you need a reward. This is it. Good thing our gut told us to add salted caramel to create a not-so-bitter beer. Because turns out, it’ll be a blend that gives a nice kick with a hint of comfort. This is our Salted Caramel Lager. Try it and tell us if you can taste the familiar sweetness you love to love.

THE MODERN TOUCH: The favorite, rich caramel and sea salt. It’s a cozy-sweet balance that brings out the malt and smooths out the finish.

HOW IT POURS: Lightly hazy. Honey amber in color, like a flickering candle in the dark.

FOOD PAIRING: Perfect with popcorn, buttered toast, or pretzels.

ABV: 5% …  just enough to take the edge off, never too much to break your momentum.

INGREDIENTS: Water, Malt, Hops, Yeast, REAL Caramelized sugar, REAL Sea Salt

If you already love the salted caramel flavor in your coffee and ice creams, try it with a grown-up, crisp drink.

All natural. Proudly crafted in the heart of Manila.

Beer me!

(click here to see the original copy)

Original copy (at the time of revamp):

Overall: Turned out to be good. It was hard for me to figure out their voice. When I rechecked their website and their Facebook, I realized they’re not using a consistent “new kid in the block” voice. They also have this “Master Brewer” messaging. So I had to restructure the idea I have. 

I created a blend of both. No pun intended. I highlighted that they are a brand that takes pride in experimenting with flavors, and that they’re still growing.

Instead of just highlighting and selling the beer, I also included how they created the beer — What’s the thought process, and who are they thinking of when crafting their bold flavors?

I feel like that suited their humble and aspirational feel more than phrases like “timeless balance” and “made to be amicably refreshing.” I want the readers to feel something and to resonate with their awesome flavors.

Overall time: 1 hour 58 minutes. My longest (and favorite) so far. It took me that long because I had to study the brewer’s jargon a bit, and of course I had to ‘imagine’ the taste, and then I had to pick what flavor I wanna get… Anyway. Happy 1 week to me. Most businesses launch a promo for little celebrations like this.

“10% off to celebrate our 10th year!”

“2.2 sale!”

“3.3 sale!”

You know what I’m talking about. So if you need to write promos for your own celebration, hit me up. Maybe we can celebrate our first project together.

Day 6. So far, I think this is the most interesting product. I’ve seen Mad Bombs before, and it’s been a while since it popped into my feed.

They’re literally making a ball of flavor. If you want pares for dinner, they have this ball made with the spices and flavor for pares. Drop it in with the meat and other ingredients and… boom pares.

They already have an awesome product page for each Mad Bomb, and I’m seeing a little bit of a parent-ish vibe in their voice. They sound like they’ve unlocked cooking wisdom, and now they’re trying to help you have the best kitchen experience. And I think that sounds perfect for a food brand like them.

Anyway, this biz seems like they already made their voice and message clear, so this is just me trying to spice it up a bit with my take.

Birria Bomb

It’s almost 7 PM, and Mama’s coming over for dinner. What would you do? Bring out the Birria Bomb. Packed with a special blend of spices, it will give any dish that rich, smoky, and authentic Mexican flavor. Just drop it in with your protein — done!

Surprise them with tacos, birria rice, and even a nice warm ramen with Birria Bomb.

You don’t wanna run out of this. Get it in bundles!

1 Pack (2 bombs per pack) – P700 ₱599

2 Packs (10% off) – P1400 ₱1,078.29

3 Packs (15% off) – P2100 ₱1527.45

More bombs, more savings!

Add to cart!

Original copy (at the time of writing):

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OG Pares Bomb

It’s been raining in Manila, di ka ba nilalamig? Oh you are? Then hit up the cooker, bring out the rice, and let’s cook some comfort food with the OG Pares Bomb. This Mad Bomb brings the Filipino warmth with its familiar taste of sweet, tangy, salty goodness. Just drop it in — done!

Give yourself a comforting pares, fried rice, noodle soups, and more with OG Pares Bomb.

Fill your kitchen cabinet with these. Get it in bundles!

1 Pack (2 bombs per pack) – ₱445 ₱349

2 Packs (10% off) – ₱890 ₱628.20

3 Packs (15% off) – ₱1,335 ₱889.95

More bombs, more savings!

Add to cart!

Original copy (at the time of writing):

Overall: Just okay. Again, if you look at their product page, it’s already great. Best one I’ve seen so far, so I really don’t want to put my hands in there (unless they ask me to… ehem).

There’s really nothing I would change. I mean, of course, it’s just based on ‘eye test.’ I didn’t do much research about the market, so I can’t tell for sure.

Oh, actually, one thing I could probably change is the video pop-ups. I hate it because it distracts me from reading the awesome words. But I’m just nitpicking.

Total time spent writing: 36 minutes. Obviously, this one is quick. If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it. All I had to do was imagine a real scenario where the product would be the hero, and that’s it. For me, that’s the only thing their product page needed.

In fact, they might not need it at all. In cases like this, the best thing to do is to test. If that tiny tweak could increase the sales even by a tiny bit, then use it. Because that’s the thing about delivering good messages, it just works.

No need for silly gimmicks.

So stop chasing trends, just bring out a damn good message. I could help you if you want.

Let’s do a fitness studio today. Better Studio. It’s a Pilates gym that has several types of classes. But I think they mostly do Reformer Pilates.

This is something new for me because I’m not really sure what Pilates is. I mean, I’ve tried it—actually, no— Aeriel made me try it before on one of her trainings. So all I know about it is that it put me in uncomfortable positions. (Good thing I know a little bit of Yoga.) But the benefits of it? I might have to do some research.

Anyway, Better Studio. So far I can see their “life coach” type of voice with a gentle tone. They tend to have this long cadence and basic vocabulary. But I think the biggest challenge for me is writing it in a feminine voice. It has been my weakness in the past. But let’s see if there’s any improvement.

Essential Reformer (Group)

You’re not starting the journey alone.

Open yourself to the flow of Reformer Pilates with friends and future friends who share your goal! This beginner-level group class will help you build the foundation you need for functional strength, flexibility, and posture. 

Whether you’re coming from years of zero intentional movement or you’ve been away for a while and just need a safe space to begin again, we’ll guide you.

Remember, this is a no-judgment zone! You’ll be guided by an experienced instructor who speaks with compassion, not command. 

No pressure.

No comparison.

Just progress, in your own time.

What You’ll Learn (and Feel)

This Essential Reformer class is all about tuning in and stepping up.

In our 50-minute class, you’ll:

• Learn how to use the Reformer with confidence
• Understand your alignment, breath, and balance—from the inside out
• Explore gentle strength movements that build resilience
• Reconnect with your body

Our goal is that as a class, you’ll help each other feel lighter and more at home in your own skin.

That means this is for:

• Complete beginners with zero experience (you are so welcome here)
• People returning to movement after rest, stress, or burnout
• Anyone craving a slower, mindful practice that strengthens without overwhelm

Like any other class, you have to come prepared.

• Bring your tumbler or water bottle to rehydrate that fired-up body
• Pack a towel to stay comfortable and maintain a secure grip on the reformer.
• Wear a pair of grip socks for stability 

These will help you move with extra confidence through every exercise.

That’s it! We’re all excited to share our humble space with you.

Pick a package you’re most comfortable with

Original copy:

Overall: It’s okay. I learned that “Reformer” is the machine… I thought ‘Reformer’ Pilates was some kind of recovery training. Idiot.

Anyway, I think this sounds feminine, no? All I was thinking of while writing is, “How will a loving, gentle Mom say this?”

(Notice how it’s just Mom, not ‘my mom’. My mom is loving, but gentle?  Why’d you think I struggle with a feminine voice?)

Oh, and I also realized that for the past days, I’m being lazy just using “Add to cat” as CTAs. I’ll switch it up from now on.

Overall time: 55 mins. Could have been quicker if I hadn’t been distracted by my brain-melting tuna sandwich. Distraction sucks. So if you demand full attention from your audience, just when they’re about to decide if they’ll take on your offer or not… then maybe we have something to talk about.

Here’s another one on the hobby side: Vault Master. They sell vaults made for automatic watches, jewelry, and firearms.

I really like the voice and tone they’re going for on their website. It’s kinda serious and authoritative. There are big words here and there, so it’s like a master architect is speaking. Someone who really knows her stuff. If the master says something’s good, maybe because it really is. 

So here’s my take on this type of voice for Vault Master.

Arthur RGB

We know the collector values visibility and security for his collections. The Arthur RGB is engineered to satisfy both without compromise. 

This masterpiece integrates a biometric system and a specialized admin key for heightened security and control. At its core, the precise and silent winding mechanism maintains the readiness of every timepiece. For the final touch, we created a 10-layer Mirage Black exterior and inside, a customizable lighting color to elevate the collection’s beauty. 

The Arthur RGB also features:

Centralized Command Interface: A clear digital display with a remote control to give the collector complete command over all the winding settings with total ease and convenience.

Customized Winding Cycles: Set the Turns-Per-Day (TPD) anywhere from 300 to 2300, with fine-tuned adjustments in 50 TPD steps to make each watch perfectly wound and ready to wear.

Precise Directional Winding: Each piece in the collection is different. Select from clockwise, counter-clockwise, or bi-directional settings to precisely match the specific winding requirements of your valuable watches.

Always Picture-Perfect: After every cycle, the rotors automatically align to a perfect 12 o’clock position, ensuring your collection is always beautifully presented and ready to be admired.

Secure & Versatile Watch Cuff: Our patent-pending cuff design securely holds the 12 timepieces that will inhabit Arthur RGB. It features a detachable base that adjusts to perfectly fit wrist sizes from 150mm to 220mm.

Add to cart

(click here to see the original copy)

Original Copy:

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Georgia

Georgia is our solution for the refined couple. This vault maintains the precise, silent winding mechanism for maintaining the readiness of 6 automated timepieces. Above it, a dedicated static cradle for precious manual and quartz watches. Finally, to maximize functionality, beneath is a discreetly integrated compartment lined in plush velvet to store fine jewelry. 

This entire system that holds a unified collection is, of course, integrated with a biometric sensor and a specialized admin key for 2 users. This ensures heightened security and control of every piece.

Georgia also features:

Centralized Command Interface: A clear digital display with a remote control to give the couple complete command over all winding settings with total ease and convenience.

Customized Winding Cycles: Set the Turns-Per-Day (TPD) anywhere from 300 to 2300, with fine-tuned adjustments in 50 TPD steps to make each watch perfectly wound and ready to wear.

Designed for an extended collection: An anti-magnetic shielding is integrated to create a perfectly neutral environment. Confidently store fine jewelry and other valuables alongside the automatic watches without risk of interference.

Add to cart

(click here to see the original copy)

Original copy:

Overall: Kinda like it. The big words and the serious tone are a contrast to how I usually write. Maybe that’s why I liked doing it. I was kinda challenged. And man, the thesaurus and AI (for research) were a big help on this one. 

Total time spent writing: 1 hour and 31 minutes. Aside from thinking about big words and making it sound sophisticated, I spent a lot listing the impending objections that these products will get.

Normally, I’d talk to the client and study the product as deeply as possible to answer those objections. But they’re not my client… they don’t even know me… (at least not yet… WAW.) and I’m not getting paid for this.

Instead, I refocused on hyping up the product before I drown in curiosity. I only dig deeper when it’s for a client… Anyway, want me to go past the Titanic to handle objections for your product or service?

Today, I’m talking about the COBB Grill. They make this awesome portable outdoor cooker. Great for camps, hikes, the beach, and just the great outdoors. So yep. Something that I probably wouldn’t buy…

I mean, I’ve only camped once. And it’s not even called camping, I believe it was glamping.

Anyway, from what I saw on their website, COBB has this parent-ish type of voice. They’re like a seasoned ranger who loves talking about their experiences and expertise to the new campers.

Oh, and I wanna emphasize ‘on their website.’ Because when I looked into it, the website’s voice is talking like a brand, but the Facebook page is talking like a social media manager. I’m not saying it’s a bad thing. Just saying that I’d use their website voice.

So okay, without research, I’m gonna rely on my glamping experience here.

Here’s my take on the awesome Cobb Grill Charcoal.

Overall: Meh. I have so many ideas for this one. But since I’m just relying on my limited glamping experience, I haven’t really made a cohesive and sticky idea. Although I think I still managed to bring a ‘Seasoned Ranger’ personality. She’s not just selling you a grill; she sells you the peace of mind it brings based on experience. 

Time spent writing: 56 mins. I could’ve taken more time planning the execution. Similar to The Splat Room, I got too caught up imagining lunch when I described the grilled chicken and pork. I got hungry. Anyway, maybe next time, we’ll have lunch together while talking about our next project… Too aggressive? Okay, then let’s take it one step at a time.

I honestly thought this was going to be my Day 1. I’ve been seeing this brand for weeks (hooray for effective ad targeting), so I expected them to be the first ad that pops out of my feed. 

Anyway, I consider Bumi and Ashe as one of those passion-driven businesses. They offer different kinds of workshops—pottery, silver clay, and rug tufting.

When I first saw their ad, I instantly saw the brand’s fun, laid-back energy. And I think that’s mainly based on their music choices and ad creatives. Their words, on the other hand, I didn’t see much personality. 

They’re leaning more towards the laid-back tone than the fun one, which is very interesting for me. I kept thinking, how do I make someone feel excited with a laid-back tone?

I don’t know. We’ll see.

They already have a really clear copy of their descriptions, so maybe I’d add some small tweaks to make them better (at least for me.) 

Wheel Throwing 101 📍Cubao studio

The ‘101’ says it all. Whether you’re hunting for a new hobby or you’re doing this for fun with friends and fam, you have to go through this like everyone else.

This is a foundational workshop for wheel throwing — a technique to shape ceramics using a potter’s wheel.

That means here, you’ll meet Mr. Wheel, your partner in this pottery journey. 

Yes, he could be challenging at first. But that’s what makes this worth it. Working well with him will help you make your best piece.

So here’s the goal. After this 3-hour session, you should walk out of the studio knowing:

• How to prepare your clay and your body position.
• How to center, open and pull a wall, and make a vessel.

These are your foundational skills.

But the best thing that you’ll get out of this? 

A piece that you created yourself. Your version of art.

So… if you’re a beginner who doesn’t have prior experience with the potter’s wheel and you want your hands to get dirty with clay for the first time?

Or… if you’ve met Mr. Wheel before but didn’t get along well?

Then join our Wheel Throwing 101 here at Cubao.

Book your preferred schedule here

Details you need to know:

• This is a 3-hour in-person session
• We’ll provide the potter’s wheel
• We’ll provide the Fundamentals syllabus 
• You’ll use 1.5 kg of stoneware clay
• We will fire your pieces for free 
• We can coat your piece with a glassy layer to make it more majestic (and usable)
• All pottery tools are available for use in the studio
• If you mess up the 1.5 kg? It’s okay. It’s unlimited clay

Book your preferred schedule here

(click here to see the original copy)

Original copy:

Overall: Not bad. I feel like I’ve added the personality that’s been missing from the brand. I also didn’t change their tone and voice. The clarity is still there. The most obvious addition for me is ‘Mr. Wheel.’ and I honestly, I think it’s a risk… but I love it. Mr. Wheel balances the fun and laid-back voice that I think Bumi and Ashe brand is giving. 

I could have taken more risks and inserted more “word painting” in here, but I think mentioning “your version of art” is already a nice pull to let them picture what’s in it for them on this workshop.

Total time spent writing: 46 mins. Pretty fast. But that’s mainly because I’ve been seeing their ads for weeks. So, I think my advertising brain cells have been secretly drafting messages. I don’t know, I think that’s what happens when you wanna ‘get good’ at something. If you want to try how good these brain cells are, let them write your product descriptions.

Day 1. It didn’t take long for an ad to show up on my feed.

First on our list is The Splat Room—an entertainment space for carefree and trying to be carefree people. They literally want you to make a mess with paints. This is not a place for the Monica Gellers. 

Anyway, they already have a fun, exciting, Blue’s Clues type of voice (which I love), so my copy brain is itching to splat creative juices to this… ahh! I have to. It’s right there. 

They have multiple offers from solo tickets, duos, to big groups. I think I’m gonna go with the date night ticket (duos) and the party pack.

Splat room for two

Warning: Not for first dates! Paints will splat, face will get dirty. But if you wanna say “I’m fun and goofy” without saying “I’m fun and goofy?” Then, enough sharing desserts… share a canvas in a splat room for two!

Original copy:

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Mess Around And Find Out

This is for the competitive duo. You each get 1 small canvas, you make a mess, splatter! It’s 45 minutes of laughter and pure fun — that ends with a one-of-a-kind gift. Literally. The question is, who would go home with the better masterpiece? Mess around and find out.

Original Copy:

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A messy party

When the planner of the group asks “what do you wanna do?” you answer: a MESSterpiece. The Splat Room is open for the chaotic and chaotic-ish bunch! Gather your group of 4 (or more) and turn a blank canvas (and yourselves) into a colorful mayhem. Here, you have our permission to get messy!

Original copy:

Overall: Pretty okay. My goal here is to capture the experience. There will be different types of groups that will try the Splat Room, so I painted a picture that best represents the “why” of every group. 

I also renamed the bundles to make them more fun and lively.

Total time spent writing: 1 hour and 1 min.

This isn’t straight 1 hour. I had to pause because my mind wandered about possible dates and family activities like The Splat Room. I guess I got too excited with the ‘fun night’ I’ve written, I wanted to have one myself… If that’s how potential customers will feel by just reading product descriptions? Then maybe you need to make a similar one for your biz. I know a guy…