Tag: Product Description

I’ve been seeing a lot from today’s brand, Breatheasy, which is kind of weird. They sell clean replacements for vapes and cigarettes, but I’ve never used either.

Then I realized, my cousins were talking about quitting smoking recently. That’s probably why the algo’s pushing these ads to me. Makes sense (and really smart!) I’ve mentioned this product to them a couple of times just because I keep seeing it.

Anyway, enough about their ad strategy. You’re not here for that.

What I do want to talk about is this: Breatheasy is the first brand I’ve seen with a Tagalog word on their website. LOVE IT. Filipino is beautiful. Maybe I’ll start doing rewrites in Tagalog one of these days. Or maybe today. We’ll see.

If it fits what they’re trying to do, why not?

Speaking of which—what are they trying to do? From their copy, I can see they’re going for a ‘friendly concierge’ vibe. Very helpful, but not a lot of personality. You ask, they answer.

It’s not a bad approach. Clear and direct will never hurt. But for a product that helps people quit smoking? If you connect to the market on a personal level, it could do a lot more.

Breatheasy Pro Device

The realest way to quit — but now in a sleek, premium build that helps you stay committed.

Yes, this is an upgrade to the classic Breatheasy. The most advanced version yet.

Same promise as before:

No smoke, no vape, no nicotine. Nothing to recharge, nothing to refill.

What’s new?

A medical-grade metal body that feels cool and solid when you pick it up. Sleek enough to slip in your pocket, sturdy enough to remind you you’re actually doing this.

Because sometimes, cravings still show up on drives, during late nights, or after lunch tambays. Yes, you’re not looking to slip back. You just want something in your hand that helps you stand your ground.

So you place it between your lips and take a breath. You feel a clean pull of mint, citrus, or something bright settling in your chest. It feels familiar. Only this time, it’s clean. You’re clean.

That’s why we made it this way.

You deserve something that feels built to last. Something you can trust, just like you’re learning to trust yourself to keep going until that “kaya ko pala” moment.

Breathe easy.

Original copy (at the time of revamp):

Overall: Can’t place this one. I think it’s because this kind of product is something that you should do a lot of research first, because of the science and all that. And of course, I’m not doing that kind of research for this ✌️I just went with whatever I found on their website and from the little stuff I learned from my cousins.

I stuck with the friendly and helpful tone, but I placed a lot of personality and a little bit of a familiar feel. This is sometimes what it takes to push people to hit that buy button.

Total time spent writing: 1 hour. It was a tough one. I kept changing my mind about what angle to take. At first, I wanted to go for a story-focused approach, but I realized a product like this needs its benefits and features highlighted clearly.

The usual story-based product descriptions work best with commodity-type products. This isn’t a movie where a character tells a random story just to prove a point. You need context.

That’s also why I didn’t use Tagalog here—except for the word “tambay.” Since the product already has a dedicated product page, dropping Tagalog sentences would feel out of place, and we don’t want that.

We also don’t want your product pages (or any of your marketing pieces) to feel off. These things need structure and planning.

I can take that off your plate.

Gah. Missed a day. Busy Sunday. But hey, I said 30 days, not 30 consecutive days…

Anyway.

Today’s brand: The Modern Gentleman.

They’re an e-commerce brand selling those sleek, compact cardholder wallets—the type you get when you’re done with the classic dad wallet. Aeriel gave me one, and honestly, it’s comfortable, sturdy, and I get why people switch.

Now, about their copy. To be honest, there’s not much going on over at their website. It’s hard to tell what voice or tone they’re aiming for because there’s barely any text. But judging by the name and the aesthetic, they’re going for that manly man vibe. So that’s where I’ll focus.

The current product description mainly lists features which can work for a product like this. I’d know—I went down the rabbit hole when I was wallet-hunting before.

Alright, let’s see what we can do here.

Vintage Dark Blue

Do not (we repeat, do not) approach the modern gentleman with an offer of just any wallet. He’s a discerning man, a man of quiet confidence.

The type who believes in the importance of clean shoes and showing up on time. The type who thinks “classic” is a compliment, not a constraint.

But even he knows that times change.

If the world asks him to adapt? He does. But without losing who he is. 

When it comes to what he carries, he still values tradition. But now, he wants it without the bulk. He doesn’t need to announce he cares for craftsmanship, or that he knows the feel of good leather.

If he sees it’s made from cowhide leather? He doesn’t need to ask much.

He just needs to feel it in his hand and slip it into his pocket. Sometimes, he just knows when something will last.

Because for him, it’s simple: as he steps forward, he carries only what matters, without letting go of where he’s been.

Take this home

Original copy (at the time of revamp):

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Absolute Black

He didn’t plan on replacing it.

The old wallet had been with him for a decade. Through first apartments and first promotions, bus rides home after long days, receipts from dinners he could finally afford, and the quiet pride of paying for coffee without checking his balance.

The leather was worn, and the color dulled from years in his pocket. But it had held up. And that mattered to him.

Because he’s the kind of man who believes in things that last, the one who knows that good leather isn’t just about how it looks on day one. It’s all about how it ages.

So when it was finally time, he didn’t rush. Because when it comes to the important decisions, he chooses what’s absolute.

That’s when he found it.

Cowhide, absolute black. The kind of leather that softens with years, not months. The kind that earns its place in your pocket—and stays there.

Because for him, it’s simple: If it’s going to be with him every day, it better be built to last.

Take this home

Original copy (at the time of revamp):

Overall: It’s nice. Because there’s not much message and personality on the website, aside from the instant market filter of the name “The Modern Gentleman,” I went all in on painting a picture of a gentleman.

If you look at the typical product descriptions for wallets and card holders, most brands just rattle off “premium leather, slim profile, functional slots.” Nothing wrong with that. In fact this is what The Modern Gentleman has on their website.

But it’s flat. It doesn’t make you feel anything.

What I did here, as usual, was I framed it as something more meaningful. Like a “companion in a man’s journey,” something that earns its place in your pocket and your life.

And since the features are straight to the point, you can pretty much just add them after this, and boom, you already have a complete product description.

Total time spent on writing: 50 minutes. Wrote this one pretty fast because again, I was part of their market. I can see exactly the type of people who’ll buy this. Not just the manly men, or the gentlemen. These are the kinds of wallets you’d give to your dad, husband, or boyfriend. Someone close to you.

So when they read that story, they see him in it. Or themselves.

Again, it’s about deepening the story and sharpening the message. Only this time, it came faster because I could pretty much just describe myself, or my papa, or my kuya.

Wallets matter to us the way your time matters to you.

So let me take care of making your product felt—so you can focus on everything else you need to do.

Send me a message if you want your product stories to resonate like this.

I caught something new for today’s challenge: Suroy Wear. This clothing line wants to tell stories in every piece, which is my kind of thing.

They have this ‘optimistic missionary’ kind of voice. Perfect for the designs they create. When you spend time on their website, you’ll see what they want to do. They want to share stories, and their designs represent the beauty and culture of the Philippines. Again, my kind of thing.

Which leads us to their product description. They technically have 2. One is like a teaser, and then the other, a full description that tells a story behind the design. Nice. But I think I’m just gonna rewrite them as a single long piece.

Now, you might think,

“So what’s he gonna do if Suroy already has the story in the description?”

Ha! I asked myself the same question.

Well, let’s find out what the hello I’m gonna do.

Island Series – 7641 Islands Tee

Scientists say that it takes millions of years to form an archipelago. Millions of years of collisions and eruptions just to scatter a handful of islands across the ocean.

And 15 million years ago, under what’s now the Pacific Ocean, that’s exactly what happened.

Nature started a story.

The Earth cracked, and mountains rose. Then, over time, slowly but relentlessly, a new archipelago emerged from the sea.

It’s not one island. Not ten. There are thousands. Each island, a product of nature and time.

Today, we count 7,641 of them. It’s called the Philippines.

Every single one of them has a story waiting to be told. Every single one has a whisper of adventure calling.

This shirt is a quiet tribute to that history.

A shirt to remember an eons-old storyline that birthed not just natural wonders in the Philippine Archipelago, but colorful cultures and wonderful people above all else.

The design.

We kept it simple:

• On the back, a clean map design with subtle wave details to show the result of nature’s artistry that took eons to make.
• Above it, the coordinates of the archipelago’s center: 12°N, 121°E. Numbers and letters that symbolize home.
• And in front, over the heart: 7641. Figures that mark where we’re at in the story that keeps on growing.

The purpose.

The 7641 Island Tee is soft, breathable, and unisex—made for movement, made for meaning.

It’s meant to be worn on the trail, at the airport, or during quiet moments at home. Whatever activity, this is a reminder of the pride of being a part of this majestic story still unfolding.

Get a piece of the story

(click here to see the original copy)

Original copy (at the time of revamp):

Overall: Man, this is a challenging one. But I love how it turned out. If you looked at the original copy made by Suroy, there’s already a story.

They already did a nice job engraving a vibe on their product. Then that vibe matches well with their brand story. Really like that.

So, back to the question, how else should I improve this?

Simple, by improving the story and the message.

The existing copy makes the shirt more than a shirt. It painted it as a symbol of pride. A lot better than most brands are doing out there.

So what I did with my version is to elevate that message. Instead of just “wearing a symbol of pride,” I made it “wearing it to symbolize that I’m a part of something beautiful and bigger than me.”

And that way, for me, it just elevates the product.

Nice right?

Total time spent writing: 2 hours. Yup. It’s freakin hard to improve what’s already effective. I honestly thought of finding a new brand in the middle of drafting. But my competitiveness kicked in, so I managed to push through.

I think it took me this long because I have a lot of ideas that I wanted to put in, but don’t know where to put them. So again, I had to scrap and rewrite a bunch.

(Plus, it’s the weekend. My mind just wanted to turn on some movies.)

Anyway, the lesson I preached here is a really valuable one. Something high-level. (I learned it from top-tier marketers.) So if you could apply it to your “commodity” products, it’s really worth testing out. But if a writer like me took 2 hours to write just one product, then you’d better ask for assistance. Someone who knows how to do it.

This brand is quite aggressive with its ads. I’ve been seeing them since I did the Pilates gym a couple days ago, but it’s the first time that they popped up first. So here we are.

I’m talking about Lunas. They’re an e-commerce brand selling therapeutic items. You know, products that are meant to bring the spa into your home.

Honestly, I didn’t quite get their voice and tone. And I think that’s because of the lack of personality. I mean, the message is there, like they want peace and relaxation to be around, but I didn’t really buy it because they bombarded me with benefits. It was too much for me.

What I kinda like, tho is their product page. They have proofs, they have stories. So I think I don’t really need to highlight stuff on the description.

The whole page does the selling in this case.

Trigger Points® Acupressure Set

No one knows your body more than you do. Until now.

The Trigger Points® Acupressure Set is designed to hit where it hurts. But it won’t hurt for long.

It knows your body well enough to press on the precise points that need it most. Then, it stimulates them. It holds the spot that banishes the pain in your back and your neck.

When you think that’s enough, its 6,700 pressure points are always there, ready to drain away the stress. Every point, every squeeze, made to tease out those endorphins that tell you ‘everything’s going to be fine’.

Then comes the cherry on top. Wrapped in flax so soft it could whisper to your skin, packed with coconut fiber that cradles you, firm and earthy. This doesn’t just hold you, it grounds you.

Lay down. Let it do the rest.

Original copy (at the time of revamp):

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Alona™ Smart Cupper

Any bed can be a massage bed on the beaches of Siargao.

But only if you have this.

The Alona® Smart Cupper loves to be on spots that ache. It wants to hold them and tell them it’s okay to let go.

If this thing could talk, it would be your new best friend.

But we’re not there yet. Just enjoy how it melts stiff necks and tired backs, how it butters up the blood to flow where it’s been stuck, how it smooths out the knots that keep you up at night.

In short, all it knows to do right now is to make you feel light again. That’s why it’s on your side when you battle colds, headaches, and rough sleep. If there’s something your body doesn’t need, it wants to flush it out. 

Because both of you know what matters most: feeling good. As good as a sweet, tender massage in Siargo. 

Bring the massage home

(click here to see the original copy)

Original copy (at the time of revamp):

Overall: It’s pretty okay. Again, I let my imagination run wild here. I based everything on the existing product description. Instead of straight up describing and laying out every single benefit, I painted a picture. 

I’ve built a connection with the buyer by teasing how they’ll feel when they use the products. It sets the tone and brings the emotion. Because you want the emotion to come first, and then follow it up with logic. Which turned out pretty good because they already took care of the logic part of buying with the rest of the product page

Total time spent writing: 47 minutes. Another quick turnaround. Again, I didn’t need to write so much for this one. The existing product description already has A LOT of benefits, so it’s just a matter of laying them out creatively. 

This shows that giving out benefits instead of features is not enough. You still have to figure out how to execute it well and weave in personality. This is another deeper knowledge for you, dear biz owner. And you know what? I still have a lot of that in the bag. I could use them for your biz when you need it. Just let me know.

I was just talking to Aeriel about potentially hiring help for product photography yesterday, and then this brand showed up. That was quick, Meta.

I’m talking about Burst Creative Studio. They’re an all-around media partner and service provider. Like, really all-around. They rent out studios for shoots, take care of your social media content, and even cover events.

When you visit their website, you’ll get what they do right away. They have this direct-to-the-point, no BS voice and tone on their message, which is good. But I think it could use more personality.

Being clear and professional is solid, but adding personality? That’s what makes people care.

Content Creation and Social Media Management

Your brand is awesome, but you need the right eyes to see it. We plan, create, and manage content that attracts those eyes. It’s a structured approach that embraces your authenticity and stays attuned to your audience. It’s the digital presence you need. But without the burnout.

Burst through our inbox

Original copy (at the time of revamp):

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Product Photography

Videos hook people in, but images sell your products. We know how to make them look their absolute best. Simply submit your products, we’ll talk about it, we’ll work on it, then we’ll give you ready-to-use and ready-to-convert marketing assets.

Burst through our inbox

Original copy (at the time of revamp):

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Creative Studio Rental

Creativity doesn’t wait for the perfect place. But if it did, this would be it. A state-of-the-art studio. Top-tier equipment and resources. Staffed by seasoned industry pros. This is where creative ideas come to life.

Burst through our inbox

Original copy (at the time of revamp):

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Event Coverage

In every event, there’s a different energy, a different vibe. Whether you’re the event planner or a plus one, we want you to feel it and be part of it. In case you need to remember, worry not. We’ll deliver a polished product that tells the story of that night.

Burst through our inbox

Original copy (at the time of copy):

Overall: It’s okay. My general goal with Burst is to add the personality, and I think I did it here. I wanted to keep the voice of a “direct-to-the-point professional,” so I didn’t put any twist on the service title.

Instead, the main focus of the revamp was placed on making the reader feel like the brand will take a lot of weight off their shoulders. I wanted to make them feel like ‘Burst Creative Studio takes it from here, just do your thing, be creative.’

Total time spent on writing: 55 minutes. Pretty quick, since all I really did was layer on what was already there.

I wanted to include more specific benefits—like what the service covers or what the process looks like—but those details weren’t on the current site. And of course, I’m not one to make things up.

That kind of info would make a big difference, tho. Adding just a bit of structure to the service descriptions wouldn’t just save your team time when talking to clients—it would also build trust with every visitor who lands on the page.

Because in any biz, the most important currency (next to cash) is trust. Earn them, and that cash will slide down your pocket without extra hitch.

I happen to know how to do that through writing marketing pieces. If you need it, slide down my email.

Today’s brand has been a staple on my feed. Flowerstore.ph. They’re everywhere on regular days, then turn into an omniscient entity on Valentine’s.

I think everybody who wants to give a gift to somebody has seen this brand at least once… A day.

Okay, you get the joke.

Anyway, they already have a nice message going on each product. I actually like it because, although their brand sells “show me a picture” type of product, they still put an effort to write clearly and with enough details.

That got me thinking…

What do I write when all the customers want to see is how the item looks? AND it already has a good description.

Let’s see.

Pixie Dream

Not every date is a romantic night with a candlelit dinner. Sometimes, the most memorable ones are the ones without plans.

Spontaneous coffee runs. Takeouts from your favorite burger place. Sharing fries, sitting on the floor, wondering if it’s too soon to say, “I really like you.”

This bouquet fits those nights perfectly.

A casual gesture with real feelings behind it.

No pressure. No grand speeches. Just something pretty to hold while she laughs at your terrible song choices.

Something nice. Something sweet.

Our Pixie Dreams have 3 white pingpong blooms—clean, round, charmingly awkward, and 3 pink carnations—sweet and soft (in the best way). Height is approximately 19 inches (48cm). Just right to have something adorable to hold.

Get it delivered!

Original copy (at the time of revamp):

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Beautiful You (12 Roses)

Nothing beats the classics when you’re trying to go for romantic. And nothing’s more classic than 12 red roses.

12 just makes every gesture more romantic.

Yes, twelve..

Not one. One is “I panicked.”

Not three. That’s a graduation bouquet.

Not six. That’s just a sweet surprise.

Twelve.

Because twelve means you meant it.

Hand them over on a random Tuesday, or just ask her sister to place them on her bed — no explanations, no words, just 1 dozen gorgeous red roses — she’ll get it.

But in case she asks, just say, “One for every hour I missed you today.”

Now that’s romantic.

Beautiful You, of course, has 12 gorgeous red roses with rose eucalyptus leaves. It stands at 19 inches tall. Not towering. But definitely expressive.

Get it delivered!

Original copy (at the time of revamp):

Overall: I think it turned out fine. This is quite different from most product descriptions. Since picking flowers is naturally a visual activity, I didn’t try to paint a picture of the flower. Instead, I painted a scene. (I was heavily inspired by a brand called J. Peterman and their awesome product stories.)

This way, as the customer examines the beauty of each bouquet, they can imagine a scenario where they’re giving the gift and everything feels right. That’s what will push them to buy.

Total time spent writing: 1 hour. I channeled my inner Mr. Romantico for this one. I’m not an expert on flowers, I just let my imagination take the wheel.

You know what I did? I stared at both bouquets for a while… then asked myself ,

“Just based on how they look, when’s the best time to give this kind to Aeriel?”

I saw her face, and I knew it right away.

She really makes everything easier.

But you know who else makes everything easier? Me. 😌

You’ve got a million things on your plate. If you ever need help writing your marketing pieces — the sweet stuff and the “OMG I’m sold” kind of stuff — let me hear from you.

Found an interesting one today. Let’s talk about Bella. What hafen to her?

…

…

Ahh. I really love stupid gags. I don’t care. Not everything has to be smart and witty.

But this brand today is smart and on the completely opposite side of stupid.

I’m talking about Bella. They sell portable safety alarms for Filipinas.

This is interesting because in marketing psychology, you always have to sell a solution, not prevention. And generally, safety alarms are preventive products. They’re designed to deter harm before it happens.

So, as I’m scanning their website, I’m already thinking how else I could make this product solve something, instead of just preventing dreadful stuff.

I have some ideas. I just have to try to match a strong, feminine voice.

Bella Personal Safety Alarm

A portable safety alarm made by strong Pinays to shape stronger Pinays.

Our goal is simple: to never need Bella.

Predators and attackers are looking for signs of fear, distraction, and unawareness. We built Bella to erase these signs.

With a powerful safety alarm at your side, you can walk tall, confident, unshakable. You become a threat to the threat with your Filipina Warrior aura.

That’s how you won’t need this alarm. You’ll never be a target.

Here’s what’s inside this armor:

• Ear-splitting 130 dB siren – loud enough to turn heads and confuse threats
• 200-lumen strobe light – to disorient attackers and demand attention
• Secure carabiner clip – attaches to your bag, belt, or keys — always within reach
• Pin-pull activation – quick, deliberate, no accidental triggers
• Built for emergencies – over 60 minutes of continuous alert, 2-year battery life

No wonder Bella Personal Safety Alarm puts you in control, wherever you are, whatever you do.

But in case of a greater danger, which requires your response, here’s how easy it is to use Bella:

Step 1
When your gut says “something’s off,” trust it. Just pull the ring.

Step 2
In seconds, Bella lets out a piercing sound and flashing lights — loud enough to turn heads and send a message: “Back off.”

Step 3
Once you’re safe, just snap the cap back in to turn it off.

Ladies, this personal safety alarm changes how the world sees you.

You’re not a victim or a target.

You are a woman who walks like a Filipina warrior: Confident, in control, and completely off-limits.

Carry #wearebella today,

Get one for you

or

Get a discount when you buy more for your loved ones.

Original copy (at the time of revamp):

Overall. I love how this turned out. What I did about the preventive vs solution thing is just a little change in the big idea. Right now, the brand sells this awesome alarm as what it is: A tool to prevent attacks on women.

So what I did was to sell an idea, a transformation. The idea is, with Bella, you can be a confident woman, a lady who’s in complete control instead of just trained to react.

I highlighted the fact that this tool takes away the pain of going outside alone. Instead of framing it as an item to have ‘just in case’, I made it in such a way that it’s an item to have to erase the fear.

Total time spent writing: 45 mins. They’re kind of a single-item brand right now. I mean, there are other products like pepper spray, but I think they haven’t optimized their website yet. All the other items show the Bella alarm product details. So I just added copy for the other parts of the product page like the “how to use” part.

I mean, how do I write descriptions if I don’t know what it is? I don’t wanna do the guesswork or invent the features. Hard to work that way. And besides, you can’t lie in marketing. You just have to work with what you’ve got.

And speaking of what you’ve got…

Watchu got there? Have something for me?

Day 12. I have enough days to create a parody of the 12 Days of Christmas. Nice.

But of course I wouldn’t do that. I’ll talk about this next brand instead: Wheyl.

This is another brand that I willingly gave my money to. They’re a fitness nutrition company selling supplements like whey protein and creatine. Their products are REALLY good.

Their creatine? Made me feel like Superman.

Anyway, they have this “reliable bartender” voice. It’s like you can talk to them all day, and they’ll hook you up with awesome people because they’re helpful and everybody trusts them. Unique for a fitness supplement brand.

Wheyl’s copy is already good. If I were to revamp this, I need a pretty substantial market research to guide me. But as usual, I won’t do that unless they’re a client. So, I think I’ll just go with my guts here and switch things up a bit for a stronger product description.

JUST whey protein

Up to 23g of protein on every flavorful scoop?

That’s what made JUST Whey Protein:

✅ the game-changer
✅ the whey protein that puts fun in eating better
✅ the bestseller that started it all!

it represents Wheyl’s ultimate mission: make nutrition the most enjoyable part of your fitness journey — whoever you are, wherever you may be 🐋

Our secret? make it all about the essentials.

• High-quality protein – we use whey protein concentrate. This means, on every 30g of JUST, you get up to 23g of protein. That’s over 70% of pure protein. No spiking. No mystery blends. We focused on giving you the best fuel for muscle recovery, strength, and endurance.
• Stevia – we wanted to create the best, so we use only the best. This naturally sweetens every sip without the extra calories or sugar spike — delivering clean, guilt-free enjoyment that keeps you 100% on the safe side.
• Natural flavor extracts – we want your journey to be as enjoyable as possible. These flavors bring out the bold, delicious identity of your protein powder. Not over-processed, all natural. The result?

15 flavor bombs your taste buds will write home about:

🍫 Salted Chocolate – rich chocolate with a salty touch

🍃 Naked White – pure, simple, and unflavored

🍈 Melon Milk – refreshing melon meets creamy whey

🍮 Clean Caramel – guilt-free caramel goodness

🍓 Double Berry – a fruity duo of berries

☕ Mocha Java – smooth mocha with arabica coffee

🍌 Nutty Banana – peanut butter and banana bliss

🍵 Mighty Matcha – premium matcha with protein power

🍂 Brown Boba – toasted caramel meets black tea

🌬 Mint Chip – cool mint with rich chocolate

🍌🍮 Banana Toffee – banana and caramel harmony

🍠 Ube Milk – sweet, creamy purple yam delight

🍂 Cinnamon Spice – warm and cozy holiday vibes

🍓 Strawberry Milk – sweet strawberries meet creamy milk

🥑 Avocado Ice – smooth, nutty, and milky avocado

This is JUST Wheyl Protein — solid, clean, fun.

Choose your favorite

Original copy (at the time of revamp):

Overall: Not bad. Again, this is one of those brands that already has good copy. What I did here was just some small tweaks. From what I observed — and I’m sorta nitpicking here — they can be too vague. I thought they needed words that the customer would instantly understand.

For example, “whey protein concentrate” is an important factor when choosing whey protein. Straightening out what that means emphasizes the strength of the product. Same goes for describing the other key ingredients.

Total time spent writing: 51 minutes. Quite long for a single product. Well, that’s because I was watching game 7 of the NBA finals on the side. My bad.

What helped me here, tho, is that I am their market. That helped me add and highlight stuff that their typical customers would look for when they land on the product page. In this case, what they’re probably looking for is how much protein is on every scoop (23g of protein), and what makes it unique (flavors). So I put those details on top.

It’s very simple and subtle, but small tweaks matter. So, if there’s anything that needs some smart tweaking on your biz? Tell me all about it.

I knew this brand’s ads would show up on my feed. I was just on their online shop yesterday, checking their prices. Wanted to see if it went up, but I realize I can’t remember how much it was last time.

I’m talking about The Maverick. They sell hair care products for men, and they’re really good!

Love what they did on their website, design-wise and copy-wise. They leaned more towards the “Passionate and serious boss” type of voice, and it works. They sound very confident, like they know what you’re looking for, and it’ll be stupid for you not to at least try what they offer.

Problem is, I can’t feel that with their product descriptions.

That’s what I’ll try to do here.

Gambit Volumizing Hair Cream

The best hair product for men with flat hair. Gambit adds volume, texture, life.

Because it’s not enough to just show up every day. Men like you? They show up ready, oozing with spirit.

And we know it all starts with the hair.

We know you want it bouncy. You want it transformed into a glorious form where natural meets refined.

This is why we were intentional with every ingredient we used. As always.

• Kaolin. Provides a lightweight hold and natural texture, allowing for versatile and manageable hairstyles.
• Virgin Coconut Oil. Nourishes and conditions the hair, promoting softness and a healthy shine.
• Glycerin. Helps retain moisture in the hair, reducing dryness and frizz, and enhancing overall hair health.
• And all the other things that complete it. Water, Beeswax, Microcrystalline Wax, PEG-40 Hydrogenated Castor Oil, Ceteareth-20, PEG-7 Glyceryl Cocoate, Polysorbate 20, Acrylates C10-30 Alkyl Methacrylate Copolymer, Fragrance Oil, Food Grade Preservative.

So if you want to transform that lifeless hair without the clumps and the grease, this is a reliable choice.

But here’s some advice from us, the creators.

This cream works well for all hair types, but again, it’s especially beneficial for those seeking to add body and thickness to their looks.

So, please. Avoid using excessive amounts if you have very fine or very thin hair. Gambit may just weigh it down.

When you’re using it, apply a small amount of the cream to damp hair. Focus on the roots. Work it through to the tips. Then obsess over styling it. Bring it to life.

Feed your hairstyle obsession

Original copy (at the time of revamp):

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Goose Texture Paste

Our best hair product to style thin and fine hair. Goose makes it textured, matte, effortless.

Because that’s how the greats create beauty. They put in the work, but make it look casual.

We know you’d like to do the same. Especially with your hair.

You want it to look nice. You want it to look like messy meets precise.

We made it possible by deliberately choosing the perfect ingredients.

• Kaolin Clay. Provides a lightweight hold and natural texture, perfect for creating versatile hairstyles.
• Virgin Coconut Oil. Nourishes and conditions the hair, leaving it soft, smooth, and manageable.
• Glycerin. Helps retain moisture, keeping hair hydrated and reducing the risk of dryness and frizz.
• And all the other things that complete it. Aqua, Beeswax, Candelilla Wax, Peg-40 Hydrogenated Castor Oil, Sunflower Oil, Petrolatum, Fragrance, Phenoxyethanol, Potassium Sorbate

So if you want an effortless, matte-looking hairstyle that lasts long, rely on Goose.

But here’s some advice from us, the people who made it.

Goose can be used for all hair types. It has a strong grip and makes your hair look defined. So this is definitely not for sleek hairstyles. This is for those with fine or thin hair. It adds volume and texture without weighing the hair down.

But of course — it may still result in a heavy, weighed-down look. IF you use excessive amounts. You wouldn’t do that, right?

When you use it, just take a small amount of paste and rub it between your palms to warm it up. Apply to dry hair. Shape and mold according to your desire. Remember, make it look like you did it effortlessly.

Feed your hairstyle obsession

Original copy (at the time of revamp):

Overall: I really like how this turned out. I think I will try this new style— begin with a semi-headline instead of starting with a story lead.

Right away, it announces who the product is for and what it brings. That’s the hook.

I want the reader to instantly see if this is the right product for them. For example, placing “flat hair” in front is like a shout-out. And when they hear it, they resonate, and I’ll let them slip right into an aspirational message from a familiar voice.

Total time spent writing: 2 hours. I blame it on a creative block — or maybe just another lazy Sunday blues.

That’s the thing about copywriting. You can be deep in it for hours, thinking you’ve nailed the direction, and then ding!—a light bulb goes off with a brighter glow. Suddenly, you’re back at square one, starting fresh.

That’s why, when people ask what I do for a living, I sometimes say,

“I collect, filter, and shape ideas for businesses—24/7.”

Yup 24/7. I’d probably dream of your brand when you work with me. Call me obsessed.