I caught something new for today’s challenge: Suroy Wear. This clothing line wants to tell stories in every piece, which is my kind of thing.
They have this ‘optimistic missionary’ kind of voice. Perfect for the designs they create. When you spend time on their website, you’ll see what they want to do. They want to share stories, and their designs represent the beauty and culture of the Philippines. Again, my kind of thing.
Which leads us to their product description. They technically have 2. One is like a teaser, and then the other, a full description that tells a story behind the design. Nice. But I think I’m just gonna rewrite them as a single long piece.
Now, you might think,
“So what’s he gonna do if Suroy already has the story in the description?”
Ha! I asked myself the same question.
Well, let’s find out what the hello I’m gonna do.
Island Series – 7641 Islands Tee
Scientists say that it takes millions of years to form an archipelago. Millions of years of collisions and eruptions just to scatter a handful of islands across the ocean.
And 15 million years ago, under what’s now the Pacific Ocean, that’s exactly what happened.
Nature started a story.
The Earth cracked, and mountains rose. Then, over time, slowly but relentlessly, a new archipelago emerged from the sea.
It’s not one island. Not ten. There are thousands. Each island, a product of nature and time.
Today, we count 7,641 of them. It’s called the Philippines.
Every single one of them has a story waiting to be told. Every single one has a whisper of adventure calling.
This shirt is a quiet tribute to that history.
A shirt to remember an eons-old storyline that birthed not just natural wonders in the Philippine Archipelago, but colorful cultures and wonderful people above all else.
The design.
We kept it simple:
- On the back, a clean map design with subtle wave details to show the result of nature’s artistry that took eons to make.
- Above it, the coordinates of the archipelago’s center: 12°N, 121°E. Numbers and letters that symbolize home.
- And in front, over the heart: 7641. Figures that mark where we’re at in the story that keeps on growing.
The purpose.
The 7641 Island Tee is soft, breathable, and unisex—made for movement, made for meaning.
It’s meant to be worn on the trail, at the airport, or during quiet moments at home. Whatever activity, this is a reminder of the pride of being a part of this majestic story still unfolding.
(click here to see the original copy)
Original copy (at the time of revamp):
Overall: Man, this is a challenging one. But I love how it turned out. If you looked at the original copy made by Suroy, there’s already a story.
They already did a nice job engraving a vibe on their product. Then that vibe matches well with their brand story. Really like that.
So, back to the question, how else should I improve this?
Simple, by improving the story and the message.
The existing copy makes the shirt more than a shirt. It painted it as a symbol of pride. A lot better than most brands are doing out there.
So what I did with my version is to elevate that message. Instead of just “wearing a symbol of pride,” I made it “wearing it to symbolize that I’m a part of something beautiful and bigger than me.”
And that way, for me, it just elevates the product.
Nice right?
Total time spent writing: 2 hours. Yup. It’s freakin hard to improve what’s already effective. I honestly thought of finding a new brand in the middle of drafting. But my competitiveness kicked in, so I managed to push through.
I think it took me this long because I have a lot of ideas that I wanted to put in, but don’t know where to put them. So again, I had to scrap and rewrite a bunch.
(Plus, it’s the weekend. My mind just wanted to turn on some movies.)
Anyway, the lesson I preached here is a really valuable one. Something high-level. (I learned it from top-tier marketers.) So if you could apply it to your “commodity” products, it’s really worth testing out. But if a writer like me took 2 hours to write just one product, then you’d better ask for assistance. Someone who knows how to do it.
